Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Writer's hell

When I raved about modern inventions last week,
I did not know I was doing that jinxing thing.
My laptop got attacked by viruses and was gone for a week.
So much for inventions!

I've since decided that if the road to hell is paved with good intentions,
then the road to writer's hell is paved with mediocre inventions.

I'm picturing the side of the road to writer's hell.
littered with frazzled computers. loops of typewriter ribbon.
classics "adapted for the modern reader."
disposable pens that dry out every week. wads of paper.
books that you wouldn't pick up even if you had to sit five hours in a hard little doctor's office chair and blow spit bubbles and hum to yourself:
"The Fly-Fishing Murders," "My Gas Station Romance," "Irritable Bowel Syndrome Gets Personal, "Gregory, the Reptile Detective."
plus every single rejection I've earned displayed twenty feet-high on the signposts.

So instead of wallowing on the road to writer's hell,
I am looking for a yellow brick road. To Oz if possible,
or at least a good wizard.
Albus Dumbledore would be even better.

How am I going to avoid writer's hell?
depend on keys less, pen and ink more.
soak up what's before me today.

What waiting room books would be in your writer's hell?
(Made up titles, of course.)


Jan Morrison said...

it is very like heaven in my life - same things - ideas, time or no time, inclination but no drive or drive but no inclination - has all the usual suspects without the 'GET GOING AND WRITE YOU BIG NINNY!'
Thank you so much for the lovely hearts of paper and crayon - what a treat - they are on my desk and on the window near my desk so they can encourage me in writing hell.
kiss kiss!

Julia Kelly said...

Laundry- is in my writer's hell and my regular hell, it is most definitely what the road to hell is paved with-right now if I turn my laptop lid the right direction- I can't see it, ignore it and continue typing away at my computer!
Sorry you are dealing with such things-they certainly bog you down-hope the spring sun is shining and helping you get back on track!

Elana Johnson said...

LOL! What a great post. And I've been sitting here trying to think of something clever to say about book titles, and I can't. Dangitall.

Richard Jesse Watson said...

Elana, I've never seen the word "Dangitall" actually spelled out. But it has a nice look and ring to it.

Faithy, I never really thought about it before, but, you're right, I'm sure there are lots of billboards on the road to writer's hell. My billboards say things like, "You can't write that," or "Don't you have yard work to do?"

I would kind of like to read, "Fly Fishing Murders" and also "Gregory, the Reptile Detective". Those just might be your ticket to fortune and glory.

Faith Pray said...

Julia, you are so right. Laundry is its own deep chasm of awful, and keeps
me firmly away from creative things. Once in awhile I find myself singing in the midst of it, only to wonder which Disney musical I just stepped out of.
Jan, great point. I remember a Jane Yolen short story about the similarities between heaven and hell. The only difference was what people chose to do about their situation. I'm putting up a big sign right now that says, "Get Up and Write, you Big Ninny!"
Richard,yes, just like my backup title "Death in the Auto Supply" I would probably die of boredom just doing research on these topics. Maybe the same way you might feel about "Fabric Shop Funnies" and "My Life as a Makeup Sampler."
Thanks Elana, you clever lady. I just keep coming back to your blog for funnies and advice. It's like a sickness.

日月神教-向左使 said...



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